Double Vision

Back in November of 2020, my life took a dramatic turn I did not expect and was not prepared for.

For most of that year, I’d been having some unexplained health issues that sent me to numerous doctors and health specialists, all of whom declared there was “nothing wrong” and “all your labs are normal”.

Now, and I cannot stress this enough, I knew that wasn’t true. I knew there was something dreadfully wrong with me. Something life threatening, even. But, as a nonconfrontational sort of person, I accepted the diagnoses and went on as best I could.

Which was a huge mother fucking mistake.

Looking back, I should have fought to be heard. I should have been the squeaky wheel. But after a lifetime of medical misdiagnoses, I was just DONE. I was sick of being dismissed, gaslit, and ignored.

Then, on November 1, 2020, this so-called healthy person had a fucking stroke. Yes. A stroke. I had been loading the dishwasher when a wave of dizziness whacked me in the head. I’m talking “the room is spinning” kind of dizziness. After sitting down for a few minutes, it passed, and I resumed cleaning up.

Big mistake.

About five minutes later, I got hit with another jolt of “the room is spinning” kind of dizziness, but this time, it wouldn’t stop. The details of what happened next are fuzzy, but I remember projectile vomiting. I remember the walls were moving. I remember all sorts of alarm bells going off in my body.

But, instead of going to the ER, I went to bed.

(Folks, don’t do this. I’m begging you, if you ever have vertigo, vomiting and double vision, get yourself to the nearest medical facility post haste.)

Back in November of 2020, Covid 19 was still at peak levels. So when I called my PCP’s office Monday morning, they ordered a Covid test, because “It has to be Covid.” Again, the details are fuzzy, but I recall my husband taking me to the drive-in testing center, and during the trip he had to pull over so I could throw up.

Later in the day, I had a video visit with the doctor on call, who told me my test was negative, but to “treat it like a virus: bed rest, fluids, ibuprophen”. Did I mention I had a post-it note over the right lens of my glasses because of the double vision? The doctor didn’t notice, and while I think I mentioned it, that particular symptom was never acknowledged.

Finally, on Wednesday, (I had the stroke on Sunday), I got in touch with my PCP, and she told me to “Go to the ER now. Right now.” My husband had to drop me off at the door because, yeah, COVID. I felt like I was walking on a trampoline as I stumbled to the front desk, the walls moving, the post-it dangling precariously from my glasses. The receptionist gave me a cold stare as I approached, but in her defense, I’m sure I looked intoxicated.

She demanded to know why I was there, but I couldn’t put two sentences together. Finally, I pointed to my eyes and said, “Two things when I looky.”

“You’re having double vision?” she shrieked.

I nodded. Everything that happened next came at warp speed. They stuffed me into a wheelchair and whisked me off for a CT scan, blood work and another fucking covid test, (which was still negative, by the way). The only thing I remember with complete clarity was when the attending physician examined my eyes and told the nurse that I had “nystagmus”.

That’s when I finally realized that Things Were Fucked Up.

I had been working for an eye clinic, and I knew what nystagmus meant: rapid, repetitive eye movements most likely caused by a brain lesion or tumor.

Things were fucked up, indeed.

After three days in the hospital, I was officially diagnosed by a neurologist, who told me, quite solemnly, that I had a brain stem stroke. She described it as “mild” but went on to explain that the brainstem is only 2-3 centimeters wide, so even a mild stroke in this area can be devastating.

And it was.

I’ll save the aftermath and recovery for another blog post. For right now, I’d like to emphasize the biggest red flag which was the double vision.

Folks, double vision is never normal. While vertigo can be caused by a virus or middle ear malfunction, double vision is most likely brain related. Seeing two things when you looky? Get yourself to the ER. Stat.

The other thing I’d like to emphasize is this: if your physician dismisses your valid health concerns, don’t stop speaking, turn up your volume. Be the pain in the ass your mother warned you about and do it today.

You matter.